End of the hand shake? Hopefully!

 I was listening to a radio host and she was talking about the ways society will probably change after this pandemic. One thing she felt would happen is the end of people shaking hands as a greeting, plus also the kiss or double cheek kiss. I say yay! The only person kissing me in normal situations should be my boyfriend. Anyone else is stepping into my personal space. Mostly however I want to talk about handshakes.

 Yes ban them, it's not like we all live in the same village anymore. Also a handshake doesn't mean a thing to most people these days, we are just going through the motions of being raised to do that. People are mobile enough now that you could be shaking the hand of a doctor who just flew in from a third world country battling some terrible disease.. or at the moment, a city hospital filled with people who caught C19.

When I was a child, I was told by my parents to give a quick but firm, friendly handshake. However what I receive in return is not what I would call a warm welcome some times. My list of 5 terrible hand shakers in no particular order.

1) The "wet noodle handshake". Ugh... I hate that one. They put their hand out but when you take hold of it, there is a feeling like the person has no strength left or they have no bones in their hand! I always wonder to myself why did they bother in the first place? Also in this category, the slimy handshake, almost like they slip their hand through your hand. Like holding an eel or wet fish.

2) The, "I don't know when to let go of your hand", handshake. That's the person who shakes your hand but won't give it back. They keep talking to you and holding on to your hand, maybe even shaking it from time to time while making a point. Like they are trying to form some, back in the 1950s style bond with you. No!

3) The, "I couldn't care less about meeting you", handshake. That's the person you are introduced to who acts like they are embarrassed to meet you or that you are currently wasting their time. They look all around for something better to do than greet you.

4) The fake-out handshake, some person (almost always a man) feels that it's a real ice breaker to try and be a comedian. They put their hand out and at the last second move it around when you go to take it or they smooth their hair etc. What? Are you still twelve years old? Do you think by making a person feel awkward for some laughs they are going to like you. The first thing I think is "immature".

5) This is the worst. The, "I never wash my hands, even after going number two.. or I coughed into my hand just seconds before and even though I know you saw me, I expect you not to react" handshake. What the.. no, no, not happening. I don't care if I offend you and start a global war! I'm not shaking your hand! I think you are a selfish careless pig! Unfortunately there are many people like this (mostly men) and they are everywhere!

 I for one would not be sad to see shaking hands go out the window. It's a phony greeting now anyway and I can tell most people dislike doing it. I think it's safer to nod our heads and say, "s'up bro". Seriously though a cheerful "hello nice to meet you" is good enough, plus it would spread a lot less germs.