Writing my last post I had an uneasy feeling about it, I worried about coming off as judgemental. Honestly I know I was being judgemental but it is not in the way most would understand. I know that there are gay men who just want to have a 'buddy' or 'buddies' to help them get through life and I think that is your life so do what you feel is right for you. I even understand the attraction to it, for myself right now it is not something I want but I don't think I'm better than them because I do see the erotic excitement to exploring with different people.
My problem is with the guys who pretend 'no strings' sex is not what they are after. I respect a guy that says this is what I am about and is at least honest about it. However I am uncomfortable if a guy thinks 100% about himself and how he can 'use' other people for his satisfaction only. I also have a huge problem with a guy being dishonest and deceitful in trying to get someone into his bed, that is just wrong, creepy and shallow. I can't see not caring at all about the person you are with at such an intimate moment. I also wonder about guys that just become an open door to any stranger, why are they treating their body like a trash can, I feel there is probably an underlying problem. I wish they would stop, not because I look down on them but because I care about people and if there is a problem I want them to heal inside, plus remain healthy mind and body.
I can be a dirty boy, I am not all sweet and innocent. I'm with Dave now but if I was single and one of my friends wanted me to stay the night, depending who it was, I might. Even if I chickened out, the thought is there. In fantasy world, Steve is a bad boy, I can't tell you how many times I wished I had a 'gay spray', just one squirt and any guy will sleep with you, but not because the spray made him, only because he always wanted to and the spray lets him relax enough. Many times I have been stranded on an island only to discover a troop of hot marines have been there for months and ask if I can help them out (cliche I know) and of course I do. There have been times riding home on a bus where a cute guy gets on and all I can think of is I wish I could just ask the guy to come home with me and he would consider it an honour and say "sure I'll come home with you, then you can give me a bath and we will take it from there", if only! In the 'real' world, I never really spoke about this but just before I met Dave, I had met a guy who for the most part was straight and dated women, he was honest about it but said there was a part of him that liked to spend time with a guy. He was really cute and wanted to be friends, we hung out a bit and he seemed a decent normal guy, nothing happened between us plus I met Dave around the same time so I figured it best to cut ties with the first guy and go for a serious relationship with Dave because that is what I wanted. I'm just trying to be honest and say if I had not met Dave, I probably would have started a 'buddy' relationship with him, maybe not who can say but the potential was there.
My point is I understand there is a much larger flow in how gay people relate to each other than in the straight world, relationship wise and sexually that is. What is enough for me may not be enough for you and that is not my business, I don't have a problem. I just hope however you live your life you are not hurting gay family members because the rest of the world does enough of that to us already.
My List
About Me
- Sooo-this-is-me
- Ontario, Canada
- Lived most of my life hidden in the closet and suddenly realized, it's just not working! I started the process of coming out (way back in 2006) and wanted to write about it, hoping to meet people. My blog has shifted a bit now, sometimes gay issues, sometimes every day issues.
8 comments:
Your honesty is one of your great character strengths and one of the reasons I like your blog so much. It is not unreasonable to expect honesty in any relationship and to avoid those whom you cannot trust. Those who are dishonest about their motives are destructive, no matter what their orientation is. You are fiercely protective of vulnerable people, and I hope you continue to act on that instinct.
Yes, what Birdie said.
Also, I don't think you are being judgmental toward him. I think you made the right choice for you in the situation, and I understand your sense of sorrow, I guess, for him. Sorrow for him that he doesn't feel any more respect for himself.
And now I hope I don't sound judgmental!
All about disorientation... You might wanna check this out.
http://www.exgaywatch.com/wp/2009/02/self-hating-gay-on-tyra-ill-be-straight-by-30/
Birdie: I try to be honest with who I am because silly me pretended to be somebody else for years, the worse thing for me would be to make someone feel not welcomed to this blog.
Java: You don't sound judgemental to me, well maybe to a guy like him you would but I understand what you are saying.
Jay: Yes I saw that clip last week, it is a total joke. I think he did it for attention, either that or he really needs to work out where he is going. Any way don't watch Tyra, it will melt your brain.
Self-loathing and being gay can go hand in hand. Most of us have experienced (and still do) shame in who and what we are. Self-destructive behavior is hidden in many guises.
"Using" another person is wrong. That just ain't what we're supposed to be up to. Any of us. That kind of thing knows no bounds of gay or straight.
Thank you for your honesty! We've all got auite a journey ahead of us.
@Steven
I think I used be like that kid, a bit. It's just uh...I don't know how to word it, the unspeakable, complicated feeling when you hear someone actually spell out the itch that revolved on your mind for so long.
I kind of passed that phase now and needless to say I find lots of your words echo me so much.
Joe: True and I still have work to do on how I feel sometimes about being gay.
Jay: Yes I agree that I used to feel that way also, that I would really put in an effort into turning straight. However the odd about this kid for me is I felt like that was when I was hiding, this kid is comfortable enough with being gay that he went on TV, had boyfriends, gay friends and even dressed the part of a twink. He is still young, he will see soon enough.
I think a lot of people have these kind of thoughts....fantasy is one of the mind's greatest aspects.
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