One year ago today I met Dave in person for the first time. I would enter a new world for myself after that meeting, a world where I was suppose to be. Dave was good, he knew how to handle someone unsure about how to come out and meet people. We had spoke on the phone and emailed up to this point, one day he just called and asked to go for coffee and said that after we could go to a gay bar. It was the best way to handle me, other wise I would have run going to a gay bar through my brain until the point of sweating like a rain shower. This way it would be easier to go in together after meeting at the coffee shop first. I did however really want to go to a gay bar by then.
We are going to celebrate our one year meeting on Sunday and slightly recreate our first date. However before I bore you with mush, I just want to be honest and say that it is not perfect, there are still problems. Some days I am not sure what is going to happen to us in the future and some days I can't see myself without him. I know for now however I really love the guy so we will keep moving forward with this relationship but sometimes I am wondering if I am settling. There is a lot I wish I could say here but out of respect I can't any more, Dave being someone that I care about, does not need to have his/our private lives put out on the net, it just would not be fair to him. I certainly have changed in my thinking lately and not in a good way, I think people would be shocked to know what I almost did. I don't feel that this blog is about my thoughts anymore, more like what I think people want to read and if I can't be honest in my thinking here, then what is the point of blogging. I will be celebrating with Dave but there is a whole other side that I leave out from here and I think that is just phony of me. It just became easier to write about the sunshine and roses stuff, that is why I think I am going to take a break from blog writing for a while, maybe a week or so.
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11 comments:
Congrats on your first anniversary.
And you write out what you want...it is your blog. Who really cares what people think.
Steve, you are thinking too much baby :)
Secondly, anything which your mind creates is always in unison with your thoughts and conscience. If you write something forcibly, it shows, and clearly too! I would say, no matter if you take a break, do come back and continue to write. Because it always does me good to read it, if no one else! And that is my motive of blogging. If thee is even one soul on this earth benefitting from anything that i jot down, I feel I have been successful with a particular post. :)
And about your 'change' of thought, I think its only natural now that you are one year through with your relationship. (Congratulations for that!). Everyone gets a little jittery once in a while. the trick is to hang in there. :)
If thee is even one soul on this earth benefitting from anything that i jot down, I feel I have been successful with a particular post. - Same here. I guess lots of people out there share the same thought.
To Steve: just take it easy and go with the flow. I'm sure after one cherished year you can work things out without crashing anywhere. Problems are not always bad, they keep things rolling and move them forward. Enough said :) You'll be fine.
Taking a break from blogging is completely normal and understandable. I did it and pretty much still am! Plus, your blog is what you want it to be and there's no reason why you can't change its focus. Turn it into a political blog--explain to me how the hell PM Harper is still in power. Turn it into a photo blog--go on you know you want to.
Now remember to go to the bathroom before you go into the gay bar this year, okay?
Every relationship has its ebbs and flows. Each of you goes up and down. The best times are when both are up, of course, but most of the time you have to work it out as you struggle to meet in the middle. Only you can decide if the relationship is meeting your needs, and it succeeds only to the degree that it does meet your needs. That said, if you are missing a vital component, you must give your partner a chance to accommodate what you need, either by giving it to you or allowing you to find it elsewhere within agreed boundaries.
It's difficult to know where to draw the line on a blog, isn't it. There is so much I want to say that I cannot, out of respect for others. Share what you wish when you wish, and know that we will wait for you and support you.
Don't ever lose yourself in the process... Take care Steven!! xo, r
Of course its easy to write about the hearts and roses and good times, they make us feel good and want to forget the other stuff.
Life is a balance, of course, and keeping the scales right is what keeps us going. Celebrate the amazing year that's just passed and appreciate the You you are now, but be true to that guy(you), too.
It is your blog, and relationships do ebb and flow, and maybe you are thinking too much. and. . .
I think some things are best not aired on a blog. But they should be aired with someone. If you haven't, find someone to talk with. Don't try to handle everything alone.
Congratulations and it sounds like you are part of a very healthy relationship. Enjoy the ride even though occasionally the road goes up and goes down,there are many smooth parts to that road as well.
Enjoy the time away and spend it with Dave as you celebrate your anniversary. As others have stated, it sounds like you're thinking too much. Just be yourself. :-)
I hope the break from blogging is helping. The most important thing is that you do what is best for you. It's your blog, not ours.
And don't over-analyze the relationship. Just see where it goes and, again, do what's best for you. Of course, the trick is knowing what's best, and that's not easy. I will tell you that even the best of relationships can bring times when you think, "why am I putting up with this?" Or words to that effect.
The main thing is to try to remain calm and respectful at all times, and then, staying in that mode, having honest discussions of your concerns with your boyfriend. You have to air your concerns, or they'll only get worse.
I wish you the best, however it all plays out. *hug*
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