This past year I felt that I had done little with my life, however a straight friend made the comment "are you freaking kidding me" and then pointed out the guy she knew a year ago and the guy now. Sometimes it is good to have some of those straight people around, they can come in real handy! When I look back I am amazed at the way I stepped into this new world of mine, to go from being afraid of even typing the word 'gay' to where I have a boyfriend and most people know about us, it is almost unbelievable to me at times. If three years ago someone tried to tell me this, I would have said their crystal ball was broke, I would have also said they were totally wrong because "I'm straight, what the heck are you talking about" and then went off to sweat over what I did wrong to let them see through the 'straight shield' that I was obsessed over.
I am back planning to attend my sisters Halloween dinner (where did the time go) and it was such a huge event for me last year. Some may remember there were suppose to be some gay men and women there and I was excited as it would be my first contact with other gay people. Some may also remember it ended up with only one straight man showing up and some lesbians, the guy left early and I was teased about being the only man in a house full of women, most of who are married or gay! I had fun anyway and a good laugh out of it. Here I am now not thinking about whether the people there will be gay or straight, male or female, I just want to make friends and have a good time. I have Dave now and it will just be an evening out, plus a chance to let Dave and my sister get to know each other better. Mountains are becoming molehills, and this tells me I am on the right path, because I want to feel good about the things I've done this last year, when I look back.
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12 comments:
Steve-o:
this sounds so much like what John Michael said looking back, what Chris said looking back, and even what I thought I said, looking back:
What was I worried about?
May all your mountains become molehills.
Cheers
T@C
Plenty to be proud of...some of our most important accomplishments leave no physical evidence, and it falls on our friends to help us remember them.
Keep smiling, keep loving, keep shrinking those mountains. : )
What a journey it has been and continues to be, walking with you on this path. This is a testament to the healing properties of honesty and openness with oneself and others.
"what the heck are you talking about" and then went off to sweat over what I did wrong to let them see through the 'straight shield' that I was obsessed over"
Do I ever know what you are talking about here, I still live it everyday but I know there is hope when I see your journey and the steps you have taken in reaching your freedom, your happiness. I am so happy for you.
Yes, it's good to have someone to notice our progress sometimes. It's very easy, once we've made a transition, to forget how daunting, terrifying even, it was at one point. Those molehills were some scary mountains once, and the change is something you worked for, and should be proud of. Glad you had a friend to help you see that.
From your writing, I noticed you've been feeling a bit nostalgic' lately. I get like that at times and I get a wee bit melancholy... but the feeling comes and goes.
Enjoy your weekend Steven. xoxo
You've made so many strides in the past year!!! It's amazing isn't it!? Life throws you things you would not have never expected :D
i totally disagree, you have made HUGE strides in your life this year, you may not recognize them because you are doing them, but you have ACCEPTED and EMBRACED yourself this year, that is a huge accomplishment
I hope you had fun at the party!!! What did you dress up as?
"Accomplishment" doesn't always equate to something tangible. Your accomplishment is extraordinary and completely internal and, once you realized it, probably infinitely more fulfilling than anything you could hold in your hands.
One does not have to be heterosexual to see how far you have come. I have seen firsthand since Matt's introduction how you have gone from a man full of fear to a man full of pride. Let me know when I can hitch a ride.
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