Sunday, July 20, 2008

Dark Skies Ahead


While out in the country visiting the folks, these ominous looking storm clouds came rolling in. It was dead silence as they quickly over took the blue sky, however we could hear the wind that was roaring towards us in the distance. These clouds made me think of my relationship with Dave, at first blue skies, then with sudden darkness over taking our relationship, and I know that a storm is heading our way but there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it. I know it is not fair to make a statement like that here and not go into details, I guess I just need to vent that my heart is breaking for what I think is coming and I don't really have anywhere else but here to say it. Things have actually been going pretty good for the last week, Dave is again almost back to his normal self. However a problem keeps coming up over and over that he does not want to deal with and some days I look at him and only see a really good friend... not my boyfriend, in those seconds I have to catch my breath and turn away from him, so that he does not see it on my face. He is causing me to lose that special connection I felt for him, one day I am afraid that I will wake up and it will be gone. Dark skies looming ahead and the storm is inside.

8 comments:

r. said...

{{{HUGS}}}

I wish there's more I could do for you Steven. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

You know what happens to dark clouds... they blow over or they shed what they are carrying. In either case blue skies return.

You've seen a dark side of Dave, but has he seen a dark side of you?

Stop worrying, live life!

A Troll At Sea said...

Steven:

I'm with Peter. Give yourselves time. There is no "marriage" without surviving hard times together--that's what makes it "togethereness."

Anyone can stay together when times are good.

Give it time.

T@C

Jess said...

Every relationship is different, so none of us can really judge what you're seeing, hearing and feeling. Relationships do take work, that's for sure, and some make it through rough patches to emerge even stronger. On the other hand, if things sour in irreparable ways, it's important to know when to walk away and protect yourself. I have no idea which way this will go for you, but please know that I wish you happiness and the best from whatever happens!

Anonymous said...

It is a hard realization that you are coming to. But as has been said by others before me, it can only get better. "I can see clearly now the rain has gone." Sorry if this continues ringing in everyone's heads. ;-)

Java said...

It's good that you write this down. This is a good place to do it. I mean, where else? And you have friends who care about you here.
I am sad alongside you Steven. I have no idea what will happen. Heartbreak is hell. Rarely, however, is it the end of the world, even though sometime it feels that way.
And you have friends who care about you.
Hang on, honey.

Birdie said...

Keep your standards. Keep your heart. And keep talking to Dave. Whatever conclusion you reach, come to it calmly, slowly, carefully. Allow time to keep your vision clear of those dark clouds.

Here's hoping for light in your life soon.

psyther said...

You've gotten some really good advice already, dude. Haven't you ever danced in the downpour of a summer thunderstorm? Lightening is actually quite beautiful and powerful, right? You are going through a very strong period of emotion, rooted in conflict. It may sear burns and rattles the ear drums, but I hope you are thankful for the knowledge of forecast. You know you are going through a difficult time. Put the storm shutters up, hope for the best, but know that there may be nothing you can do to salvage your love in this relationship. It is scary to have something you've worked hard for completely collapse, but you should find comfort in knowing that you did what you could to save yourself. After coming out and finding the quote-love of your live-end quote, it is hard to acknowledge how anything could damage what is so clearly right. You may need to have a few good storms to test your boundaries with Dave. I think the most important part is that you recognize all of these analogies, but also that YOU have an equally important opinion and guidance of WHAT happens. Stand up for yourself and how you feel without playing the victim, but don't let a dissipation of love dictate every action. I have a feeling that this will all work out in the end.......