When I was growing up in the country, one of our neighbours had this nice old collie dog, he was a good dog, friendly, good working dog and most of all never left his yard to bother the surrounding farms and villages. One day however this trouble making bitch came to his place (that is bitch as in female dog) and even worse she was in heat. For the first time in Shep's long life he had a taste of doggy love, umm well actually more like doggy style, but you get my meaning. The farmer was very upset by this, he said that once Shep had a taste of 'wild oats', he would always look for it and the farmer was afraid he would start to ramble. Well sure enough poor old Shep started to go out on the town looking for bitches to hook up with, the farmer had no choice but to start to tie him up when no one was around. Suddenly I understand old Shep now, the more you get the more you want and like that old dog, I can't help but make up any excuse to wander over to Dave's place at night, woof!
I understand better the difference between sex and making love to someone, I mean I always understood what someone was trying to say with that remark, but now it is a reality for me. My first boyfriend from many years ago and I had a few good times also, but I never felt the same connection as I do with Dave. Sometimes in those moments together, the bond is so intimate and I feel such a deep love for him, that the need for my expression to him of that love almost makes me cry. I know that may sound strange but these are emotions that have been waiting to come out for years and it can be over whelming to me at times. Often I really feel during sex, that thrusting deeper is an act to get myself closer to Dave, as close and connected as I physically can be to him, and not actually an act just for pleasure. In the moment of passion, I think that is as intimate as you can get with someone, they are giving themselves to you and you are giving yourself to the other person, you are trusting each other in one of your most vulnerable moments, you can no longer hide anything and if you truly let go, you have reached that final step that is something only you and your partner can share.
Dave often jokes and asks if I am real or is he dreaming. He will often say "pinch me" to see if he is sleeping. I think the opposite, if I am dreaming then leave me, let me sleep. Don't pinch me, don't wake me because I want to stay here in this dream. For me to wake and find myself in a world without Dave, would be the beginning of my nightmare.