Madame Flu

The reason for my silence is I met Madame Flu last week. Oh she seemed harmless at first, almost funny really. She tickled my nose, then my throat, I told her to stop with some cough-drops. She asked me with a slight warning in her voice, 'sweety you didn't happen to get your flu shot this year did you'. That is when our relationship changed, that is when she became a woman scorned. Before I knew it she grabbed me and flipped me on my back with some exact ninja move, this left me stunned, weak, dizzy. 'Tried to get away from me did you' she sneered, 'well we will see about that'. She sent her punishments, stuffed up nose, pounding head, aching limbs and back, these banished me to my bed. I tried to take medication to ease the effects. 'What is this', she screamed into my throbbing head, 'pills to weaken my assault, oh you will pay now little man, mama flu is going to make you her bitch'! Grabbing me by the hair she drags me into the washroom throwing me into a heap on the floor, not having the strength to get up, I hear her laugh. 'Greasy food' I think to myself what is she doing, 'raw dough, sour milk, rotten eggs, swallowing lumps in your coffee', oh no stop, I know what you are doing! Her evil cackle tells me it is too late, 'bow I tell you, bow to the porcelain alter, bow for trying to defeat me, bow for going against me, bow to ask for my forgiveness'! She drags me back to bed where I lay in wait for her next torture and they come often. I try to fight her with rest, it is my only weapon against this evil Queen of sickness. Nothing will stay down, nothing will stay in. She thinks of new ways to torment me, sudden fevers that burn me out of my bed, then followed with chills that send me crawling back for the covers. Heat rashes that itch and spread, pain behind the eyes, pain in my muscles, pain in places I did not even know I had. I feel like my plug has been pulled out, energy drained, I am her bitch, she is winning, she owns me for three days and I am at a loss as what to do.

I search in my head, I have met this lady (who is no lady) before, the only thing that will beat her evil cunning, is the love of another caring woman. That is it, I think of my last hero who saved me from this villain before, I think "what would Mom tell me to do if she were here!" I go to the fridge and get out the ginger-ale. Madame Flu shrieks, 'what are you doing, no you don't want that, put it back!' I take the refreshing sip, 'no put it back you really just want to barrrrrf, come on Steve she pleads, think barrrrrrf, rrrrrrrrrrrrraalph, puuuuuuuke! Think of over cooked greasy bacon and eggs, half a worm in your apple, food from McDonald's, blaaaah'! Her tricks are not working, later I try the crackers, then as the day progresses I try soup, if she makes me angry enough I may give her the jello treatment! She comes at me with more fevers but they are not as strong as before, her grip is loosening and she begins to let go....however very slowly!

Well pretty much that is where I have been since last Saturday, I hope everyone else out there is doing fine, however if you were hit with this bug... oh I so understand your pain!