So This Is Me

...BOOK 3....Final of the crazy weekend Trilogy...

Dave followed me up to my apartment, I was so nervous. I knew I could trust Dave, he is very much a gentleman, but I needed to find some way to tell him how I felt and that was what scared me. My fear was that he would either say I was not his type or because I am new to the gay scene, that he did not want to get involved with me. We get along well, I like a guy with a sense of humour and he has that sometimes dry, sometimes a little silly sense of humour about him. We talked about his work, how family is very important to him, more about his experiences of coming out. I sat close to him, again like the first time we met I was staring into his eyes, his spell was coming over me again. I placed my leg so that the more I relaxed, the closer it got until I was touching him. He is so easy to talk to that the time passed very quickly and it was almost three in the morning. Again while talking he would touch my shoulder, arm or knee. I felt though the conversation was not going in the direction I wished.

Most times he seemed not interested in me at all, every now and then however he would say something as if to put out feelers to see how I felt about him. I was not sure and did not want to end up embarrassing myself. We talked about our trip to Montreal and he worried about coming back late at night if it were to snow. I said I would rent a room for us so we could stay over, I said not to worry I would make sure it had two beds or would he prefer his own room. He said one room two beds was fine, then he said "I don't bite", I saw this as a subtle chance and said "I wish you would." He asked me to repeat that statement, I did, he said he did not understand what I meant by it, I tried to explain the joke, I suddenly realized he must have no interest in me if he did not get that joke. Blushing I said lets just move on, it was a bad joke. We continued talking but to be honest I was not paying attention to what he was saying, he had to work on the weekend and I knew he would soon have to leave. Feeling slightly embarrassed about my attempt to connect with him, I was thinking that the next day I would have to call up one of the other guys for a date and try to move on from there. I was a little sad because Dave is the one that makes my knees weak (yes like a little school girl, bitches) and I had wanted it to work with him. As we were talking he brought the bite joke up again and suddenly to scare me jumped at me as if to bite. I suddenly realized he did understand what I meant and was probably torturing me with it. I would give him the wolf stare, he became shy and would look away while talking. He suddenly looked at the clock and said "I have to go," I knew if I did nothing I would hate myself the next day, I panicked for something to say, anything at all. I looked down and suddenly realized what huge hands he had, so sexy! I grabbed one and commented on the size, he teased me about my small hands and we interlocked our fingers, it was like an electric charge went up my arm. He said he found finer featured guys attractive, this gives me hope. I did not want him to feel uncomfortable so I relaxed my fingers to let go, however he looked at me with this funny grin on his face, and held on.

I tightened my grip again, we just sat there in silence for a few seconds, he caressed my palm with his thumb. I said "this is nice" he was shy and looked away, again I said "this is nice - yes?" He said "yes", we were sitting there, close to each other, staring at each other, I was looking into his eyes and I thought here goes nothing so I asked, "can I kiss you?" Again he stared at me with that funny grin, I asked "yes?" He sat there not saying a word and it felt like time stood still waiting for his answer. He smiled and did a little 'come here' nod and finally leaned in for a kiss. Wow, fire works! Soft, warm, exciting, electrical all at once. We looked at each other and leaned in again, this time he brought me into him and we embraced, I could feel his hands on my back and we held on tight. I was shaking like crazy, finally things turned my way. I told him I found him attractive, that he is someone I want to date and that I was not sure how he sees me. He told me that from the moment he walked into the coffee shop at our first meeting, he wanted to date me. He kissed me again very passionately, he is a great kisser, he smelled good and yeah taste good too. He pulled away and cupping my face in his hands said, "can I just tell you something, I think you are so beautiful," something like that just takes your breath away and leaves a person speech less.

We kiss a lot, I settle back onto the couch and we talk in between kissing. He says "I can't believe I found you, I never thought the night would turn out like this." I told him I was dropping hints all night and before in my emails also, he said he knew that. I asked why then did he say nothing, he said it was because since I am new to the gay scene, he did not want to interfere with my coming out. He said if I wanted him, he was going to let me make my own way to him, on my own time. This suddenly made me attracted to him about ten times more than I was. He said his big fear of the night was that Doug and I hit it off and that Doug would take me away from him. I told him no chance. We kiss more, he points to the window, dawn is breaking, we had just spent the whole night talking. He says, "I have to go, I have a job I promised someone, but first can I try something with you?" I say yes and he takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, I know with him though it will be nothing sexual, he is the most decent guy that I ever met. He gets me to lie down puts me into a spooning position. He is a big man, wraps his arms around me, we cuddle in together, I feel warm, safe, protected and in few minutes he falls asleep, I don't wake him because I want to stay like this forever. Outside I see the soft blue light of morning, I close my eyes and fall asleep as well.

After twenty minutes he wakes up, gently places his huge hand on my chest to lay me on my back, he half places his body over me, again Dave embraces me and deeply and passionately kisses me. For the first time in years I feel so alive. So this is me, Steven the gay man in Dave's arms, so this is me, this is who I am, this is where I belong, it feels right, for once I am not going against the grain, for once I am not swimming against the current. I feel his warmth, touch him, breath him. I let myself dream away in this moment, it is what I have been searching for and I know this is my truth.

Dave keeps asking if he is dreaming, so I pinch him. Then I ask him the question on everyone's mind. Did you know what I meant about the "wish you would bite joke," he laughed and said yes he completely understood what I was doing and wanted to watch me squirm. I lightly cuff the side of his head for that. Again he said he wanted to let me decide what I wanted, I kiss him and say "I choose you." He looks at me and tells me he loves my eyes, he says it is why he was trying to get me to see the ice sculptures before the sun went down, he wanted to see the sunlight reflect in them. I melt when he says things like that, I ask him if this means we are boyfriends now, he says he really likes the sound of that. He lies on his back and pulls me on top of him. He runs his huge hands under my shirt, up and down my back, it drives me wild. I pull his sweater off, I want to touch skin and I start to feel his chest, he gives me one of his playful winks that I love so much. We explore each other a little but he is a really decent guy, it is one of the things that makes him so attractive to me. We lay in each others arms, he says he must go.

The clock says it is past noon, we finally get up. I gather all his stuff for him and he gets ready to leave. He asks how soon can he see me again, I say as soon as he can get back here! We kiss one final time, he says he can't believe this happened, it was something that he never expected or saw coming. I say I feel the same, I tell him to call me when he gets home so I know he did not fall asleep at the wheel. He gives me a tight hug before going out the door, now suddenly my apartment feels really empty. I smile to myself and think "finally I have someone" I make a mental note to tell the other guys, 'sorry I am off the market', and then head back to bed to sleep the rest of the day off.