Gay To My Core

..............Book Two..... (of Steven's crazy weekend)
Leaving off from the last post, to recap I did not enjoy my time at the gay bar, Dave felt bad over the situation and promised a bar he thought I would like better. We went into the second bar and this was so much better, it was all guys no women. The first bar of the night was a younger crowd and very metro dressed, this bar was filled with real men I would say around twenty-five and up, the type of men that you mostly would never guess are gay. They looked good but not too much into themselves as far as clothes and hair. These guys looked like jocks, business men, construction workers, more my type of guys. There are three floors, we waited in line to get to the second floor as that is where the action is. When I got up there, it is hard to describe but I felt so into my sexuality to my very core. It was very male sexually charged. The atmosphere was erotic, it was dark, hot, the air was thick, the music was pumping and you could feel it in your chest. Guys mostly just moved onto one another, for some there was no formality, just direct desire. The masculine was being celebrated here, there was no sign of anything feminine.

Dave asked me to dance, it was so awesome to finally be dancing with another guy, plus a guy I liked so much, we were surrounded by guys, men that were into each other, dancing with each other and I suddenly realized, no matter how straight looking a guy was, he was gay just like me. It was good to just let go, feel the music and let myself be hypnotized by the lights! I remember thinking 'Patrick, Danny look I finally got to dance!' It was hot on the dance floor and a lot of guys removed their shirts, eye candy everywhere, and not only were you allowed to look, they wanted you to look. There was such a charge in the room, guys dancing, rubbing their bodies together in a seductive way, guys shirt-less making out and I was glad to be wearing a long tailed shirt because it deeply aroused me and I was so hard for the first half of the night. This total little hottie seemed to be alone, he came over and danced with us, he was model cute, nice body, well dressed, and really had the moves. Dave and I joked about making a sandwich. Dave also would ask me which guys I thought were hot, the truth was, I mostly was looking at him and not the other guys. He told me when it comes to relationships, I need to figure out what I want. He then asked me what I want, I panicked and said I did not know, because the truth was I wanted him. The dance floor was shrouded in fog and the lights were pumping to the music, this is what I have wanted for so long and we danced until we were soaked with sweat.

While dancing, another young well dressed guy started to dance beside me, he would look right at me and smirk. I was not sure if this was a signal or if he was drunk, I was thinking it can't be, after all I was with Dave. Later I needed a water break and wanted to check out the bar more. I was getting bottled water at the bar for Dave and I, when guess who leaned on the bar right beside me. It was the young guy from the dance floor, he started talking to me and I realized, oh crap he is trying to pick me up, panic! He was probably only between 25 to 28 and I was so flattered but also scared shitless, I know nothing about picking up guys and to be honest I am always afraid of getting something. I chatted with him, acted really friendly and then ran away (see chicken), Dave saw this and was laughing at me over it. I just don't know what to do. I figured oh well, he will move on to someone else.

The funny thing is, I was busting to go pee since we left the first bar, but I was so tense now with this atmosphere, I became pee-shy and could not go. By now I really really had to go so I thought I would give it a try, things felt like they were about to happen when suddenly this guy beside me says "how you doing" while flopping his penis at me, then everything shut down, I swear I heard a little door slam shut and lock inside me somewhere. Just as well because then the guy pulled out a camera phone and took pictures of guys urinating. There was a room in the back where guys would go in, black walls, no lights and no windows in there, so you can guess what goes on. Some of the guys coming out were so hot and I just don't see why they would go that route. I thought it was gross but also it was erotic to see the men come out and you could tell by their face that they just had sex. Dave saw me looking, he asked me if I wanted to go in, I paused, looked up into his handsome face and said yes, then we both burst out laughing, ugh no way we said. When Dave tried to use the washroom he had a guy next to him that started masturbating, no wonder we just could not go! We laughed about this, I was not upset, we just rolled with it because it certainly was an experience, in fact I think I would have been disappointed if some of this did not happen. Couples were kissing like mad, some had met only moments ago, really good porn was on the screen above the bar, some guys were dressed in leather and chains. I thought it was weird and funny and knew enough to stay away from it, but like a train wreck, I am going to look.

We headed back to the dance floor, back to having fun between us. The strange thing was I know Dave does not like to dance, even his friends he met at the bar were surprised to see him up dancing. It made me wonder because we danced all night and I almost hoped it had to do with me. You know when a man will do something he does not like, just to please someone that he does like. One friend whispered to Dave that I am cute, which made me feel good since the guy who said it was hot! Out of no where comes 'cute guy' again and he starts dancing beside me, giving me one of those hungry wolf stares, Dave assured me that this guy was trying to pick me up. Then after a few minutes another guy comes along and starts to do the same thing to Dave. We find this funny and talk into each other's ear, strange, we have been like this all night and every time he speaks to me our cheeks touch, in fact he presses his cheek against mine and this sends jolts through me, he places his hand on my shoulder, caresses my back as he talks to me and I want to kiss him, in front of everyone, I want everyone to know I am nuts about this guy, I have a deep yearning to be with him and I think why can't he see that, why can't he feel the same way back regarding me.

We are done, we can't dance anymore, soaked, tired and fulfilled. Dave asks if I want to head home, I say yes. We try to use the washroom again before we leave but this old pot belly guy comes in and starts to j/o, so we get our coats and go. While leaving the bar, who is standing outside but my young friend that was trying to pick me up. He calls to me, asks if I am leaving, wishes me good night, says 'see you around', wishes me good night again. Dave is laughing about it because I am so startled by this attention. I think, if only I was more comfortable with myself and did not have feelings for Dave, I would like to turn around and ask "so are you coming with me or what?" Dave drives me home, I thank him for the most fun I probably have had in a long time. I want to talk to him more, I don't want him to go home just yet, I think if I get him alone I would like to tell him how I feel about him, that way at least I would know if I had any chance with him or just banish the thought if he says I am not his type, that there is no hope for me with him. As we pull into my building, I make my bold move and ask him if he wants to come up to my apartment. Dave has told me many times he just wants to be my friend, but I am ready for whatever happens, ready for whatever that means to a man that has been out for a long time. He seems shy about the question, not sure what to expect of me, smiles and agrees to come up. Okay so everyone get caught up with your reading and I will post the last of this weekend! Oh and I am not sorry to leave you hanging one bit, I am totally doing it on purpose! ;)