Little boy.

Just like most men, when I get sick I can become a little boy. When little boys get sick or hurt they run straight for Mom, so that is exactly what I did. Crawling home to hide under a rock and try to heal my wounded ego. How could I get this disease, lose control over my own body a sure sign of weakness, my maleness angry with myself. The good news is I can't believe the way things are coming back, almost full recovery. My sister was at my parents as well and she said there are almost no more signs of the Bell's Palsy unless I become tired or laugh too much. Thanks to all the well wishers out there, I appreciated the comments and emails. I knew someone that was affected for over two months.

As I was saying my sister was visiting my parents also since it was Thanksgiving in Canada last weekend. I told her I did not want to come to her get together if I was still looking a little off. She said that I knew where they would be and I was welcome to come if I felt up to it. We walked around talking and it was nice to be able to connect with her. She said she told them about me but she is not sure what I expect. She was thinking of trying to fix me up with a really nice guy that she knows but she felt awkward about asking him. I told her that I'm not looking for a boyfriend, right now I'm looking for friends, well gay friends that is. I told her don't worry about fixing me up with a guy I'm not ready for that, plus I reminded her that my heart kind of belongs somewhere right now. The way things are improving health wise for me it looks like I will get to make it after all, wow I can't wait to meet real live gay people! You know I had heard that there were other gay people in the world but to finally meet some will be awesome!

My friend "B" that I just told last week called this evening. She wanted to see how I was doing, both with being sick and the gay issue. She was so supportive, I never thought she would be like that. She was basically giving me a pep talk, I told her that with friends like her behind me, I feel stronger with the whole coming out deal. She told me about a connection she has with understanding gay issues and so I told her I feel closer to her now, she said she was glad and that is what she wanted. She said I had too many good experiences and now I need a bad one to prepare me, I joked and said I could tell my parents if she wants. I guess that would be one of the struggles that a parent feels. Something is wrong or they perceive it as something is wrong with their little boy and they can't help him.