The reason for my silence is I met Madame Flu last week. Oh she seemed harmless at first, almost funny really. She tickled my nose, then my throat, I told her to stop with some cough-drops. She asked me with a slight warning in her voice, 'sweety you didn't happen to get your flu shot this year did you'. That is when our relationship changed, that is when she became a woman scorned. Before I knew it she grabbed me and flipped me on my back with some exact ninja move, this left me stunned, weak, dizzy. 'Tried to get away from me did you' she sneered, 'well we will see about that'. She sent her punishments, stuffed up nose, pounding head, aching limbs and back, these banished me to my bed. I tried to take medication to ease the effects. 'What is this', she screamed into my throbbing head, 'pills to weaken my assault, oh you will pay now little man, mama flu is going to make you her bitch'! Grabbing me by the hair she drags me into the washroom throwing me into a heap on the floor, not having the strength to get up, I hear her laugh. 'Greasy food' I think to myself what is she doing, 'raw dough, sour milk, rotten eggs, swallowing lumps in your coffee', oh no stop, I know what you are doing! Her evil cackle tells me it is too late, 'bow I tell you, bow to the porcelain alter, bow for trying to defeat me, bow for going against me, bow to ask for my forgiveness'! She drags me back to bed where I lay in wait for her next torture and they come often. I try to fight her with rest, it is my only weapon against this evil Queen of sickness. Nothing will stay down, nothing will stay in. She thinks of new ways to torment me, sudden fevers that burn me out of my bed, then followed with chills that send me crawling back for the covers. Heat rashes that itch and spread, pain behind the eyes, pain in my muscles, pain in places I did not even know I had. I feel like my plug has been pulled out, energy drained, I am her bitch, she is winning, she owns me for three days and I am at a loss as what to do.
I search in my head, I have met this lady (who is no lady) before, the only thing that will beat her evil cunning, is the love of another caring woman. That is it, I think of my last hero who saved me from this villain before, I think "what would Mom tell me to do if she were here!" I go to the fridge and get out the ginger-ale. Madame Flu shrieks, 'what are you doing, no you don't want that, put it back!' I take the refreshing sip, 'no put it back you really just want to barrrrrf, come on Steve she pleads, think barrrrrrf, rrrrrrrrrrrrraalph, puuuuuuuke! Think of over cooked greasy bacon and eggs, half a worm in your apple, food from McDonald's, blaaaah'! Her tricks are not working, later I try the crackers, then as the day progresses I try soup, if she makes me angry enough I may give her the jello treatment! She comes at me with more fevers but they are not as strong as before, her grip is loosening and she begins to let go....however very slowly!
Well pretty much that is where I have been since last Saturday, I hope everyone else out there is doing fine, however if you were hit with this bug... oh I so understand your pain!
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Stupid Is
I was wondering if I should write this post, it is hard to write, it is scary to write but maybe someone can learn from my mistake. Dave and I are going for an HIV test this afternoon. I have been stupid, I have been careless, there is a 90% chance that I will be alright but there is also a 10% chance that my muddy thinking could end my life.
I have not been in a relationship of any kind for almost thirteen years, I was very, very careful in the past as I was terrified of getting aids. Dave has not been in a relationship for five years, his last boyfriend he said like to hide stuff from him and so Dave became tired of the game and ended it. So far Dave and I have engaged in what is called low risk behaviour, but we were not safe and low risk is still risk. Twice we got caught up in the moment and went a little farther than we should have without protection. My reality of this disease snapped back after talking to a friend of mine, he was happy that he had his final HIV test and everything was clear. His back ground is that he used to work in a hospital, was injured by a used needle and so had to go for an HIV test every year for ten years to be sure he was in the clear. That is just the danger of this virus, it can hide and it is out there. I remember watching an interview one time where the doctor said that actually it is often guys in relationships that get aids. He said the reason is once in a relationship, the men trust each other not realizing one man is carrying the virus. He said the one night stands often are careful because they know enough not to trust a stranger, these words are ringing in my ears right now.
I try to stay calm about it, Dave does not play around, it has been five years, his past boyfriend has never come back to say he is sick. Dave never gets sick and he sees a doctor once a year for a check-up, like I said so far we have been involved in low risk sexual contact but still, people do get aids like this all the time. I am angry with myself at the moment, more than likely it will be fine but still, why did I put myself in this situation, this is the time where one slip up will cost. I noticed we bloggers don't often like to talk about HIV, as if mentioning or reading about it will bring the virus on us. I also noticed in the past when another blog writer does mention it, often no one will respond, including myself. I think a little scare is probably good for us every now and again. Certainly if everything is alright and if in future this relationship does not last, then later I start another relationship, I will think twice so as not to go through this again. All I can do now is take the test, wait and then I will let you guys know the results. I don't want to scare anyone here, it is not that we think something is wrong, we just want to be sure we know our health before getting really hot and heavy. We just felt the test would be a good idea to start the relationship on.
As a side note, I have removed my picture. The reason is that Dave's friends and some family have met me. I don't feel it fair to him if someone should find my blog, it could also cause him trouble at his job. Also on my side of things, two friends have come close to finding it, there are some things written that may hurt some people so I took down the picture, if they stumble onto the blog, no one will know it is me. So don't worry, it is not that I suddenly want to go back into the closet, just that I don't want to make people I care about uncomfortable.
I have not been in a relationship of any kind for almost thirteen years, I was very, very careful in the past as I was terrified of getting aids. Dave has not been in a relationship for five years, his last boyfriend he said like to hide stuff from him and so Dave became tired of the game and ended it. So far Dave and I have engaged in what is called low risk behaviour, but we were not safe and low risk is still risk. Twice we got caught up in the moment and went a little farther than we should have without protection. My reality of this disease snapped back after talking to a friend of mine, he was happy that he had his final HIV test and everything was clear. His back ground is that he used to work in a hospital, was injured by a used needle and so had to go for an HIV test every year for ten years to be sure he was in the clear. That is just the danger of this virus, it can hide and it is out there. I remember watching an interview one time where the doctor said that actually it is often guys in relationships that get aids. He said the reason is once in a relationship, the men trust each other not realizing one man is carrying the virus. He said the one night stands often are careful because they know enough not to trust a stranger, these words are ringing in my ears right now.
I try to stay calm about it, Dave does not play around, it has been five years, his past boyfriend has never come back to say he is sick. Dave never gets sick and he sees a doctor once a year for a check-up, like I said so far we have been involved in low risk sexual contact but still, people do get aids like this all the time. I am angry with myself at the moment, more than likely it will be fine but still, why did I put myself in this situation, this is the time where one slip up will cost. I noticed we bloggers don't often like to talk about HIV, as if mentioning or reading about it will bring the virus on us. I also noticed in the past when another blog writer does mention it, often no one will respond, including myself. I think a little scare is probably good for us every now and again. Certainly if everything is alright and if in future this relationship does not last, then later I start another relationship, I will think twice so as not to go through this again. All I can do now is take the test, wait and then I will let you guys know the results. I don't want to scare anyone here, it is not that we think something is wrong, we just want to be sure we know our health before getting really hot and heavy. We just felt the test would be a good idea to start the relationship on.
As a side note, I have removed my picture. The reason is that Dave's friends and some family have met me. I don't feel it fair to him if someone should find my blog, it could also cause him trouble at his job. Also on my side of things, two friends have come close to finding it, there are some things written that may hurt some people so I took down the picture, if they stumble onto the blog, no one will know it is me. So don't worry, it is not that I suddenly want to go back into the closet, just that I don't want to make people I care about uncomfortable.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Life with teeth.
As everyone knows from experience, life has a funny way of swinging round and biting you on the ass! I had been really excited over something that was coming up. I was not going to mention it until a few days before it happened. That is my sister often has a party in October, even though I like her friends that I know of, I never really went before. This year however she asked me to come, her reason was that, as I mentioned before she has gay friends. She told them about me and they were going to try and help me. I was going to get to meet other actual gay guys that lived in this city and if they were sister approved, then I know I would be OK. There were also to be lesbian couples and maybe they could try to net work for me, allow me to meet their gay male friends as well. I was looking forward to this and counting off the days. This week however, when I was not looking life crept up behind me and attacked.
It started a few days ago, I had gone out to the country to see my parents and as I was leaving I remarked to my mother that the muscles in my face felt like they were jumping. The next day was the shocker, the left side of my face had developed paralysis, even affecting blinking and it is a very unsettling feeling when suddenly you lose control over your own body. I hate going to the hospital but I could tell that a band-aid was not going to fix this. They went through the usual tests to rule stuff out and the conclusion was Bell's Palsy. Fuck! Excuse my language but fuck! I was given my horse pills and they taste like crap. They said it could go away in three weeks to three months but the scary thing is that there is a slight risk that it would never go away. The result is you have trouble eating, you can't smile, you talk out of the side of your mouth, one eye burns from drying out because of not being able to blink properly, you look terrible, who would want me now. I have not spoken to my sister yet, but I will tell her there is no way I am going to meet a group of strangers like this. Really though my main worry is to get back to normal, the thing that I want most is not a party but to be able to drink a glass of water without looking like a camel. I had not mentioned it earlier because I was trying to use my blog as an escape, but my blog is a place for me to vent my emotions and today I really needed to vent them, mostly it is fear. I have to also whine a little though about the party etc, why now just when things were going to maybe line up for me. When Life bites you, sometimes it uses it's fangs.
It started a few days ago, I had gone out to the country to see my parents and as I was leaving I remarked to my mother that the muscles in my face felt like they were jumping. The next day was the shocker, the left side of my face had developed paralysis, even affecting blinking and it is a very unsettling feeling when suddenly you lose control over your own body. I hate going to the hospital but I could tell that a band-aid was not going to fix this. They went through the usual tests to rule stuff out and the conclusion was Bell's Palsy. Fuck! Excuse my language but fuck! I was given my horse pills and they taste like crap. They said it could go away in three weeks to three months but the scary thing is that there is a slight risk that it would never go away. The result is you have trouble eating, you can't smile, you talk out of the side of your mouth, one eye burns from drying out because of not being able to blink properly, you look terrible, who would want me now. I have not spoken to my sister yet, but I will tell her there is no way I am going to meet a group of strangers like this. Really though my main worry is to get back to normal, the thing that I want most is not a party but to be able to drink a glass of water without looking like a camel. I had not mentioned it earlier because I was trying to use my blog as an escape, but my blog is a place for me to vent my emotions and today I really needed to vent them, mostly it is fear. I have to also whine a little though about the party etc, why now just when things were going to maybe line up for me. When Life bites you, sometimes it uses it's fangs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
