Tuesday, September 3, 2019
The wheels on the bus go...
I heard the school buses running again this morning, a teensy weensy part of me said, "whew, I don't have to go". I hated school and as an awkward, extra small, red headed gay kid, I really really hated school. It's a significant number for me this year, a year with a nine, as in 2019. I remember when I first started high school back in 99, we didn't have cell phones or the internet.. oh wait.. no I didn't start in 99, must have been 89. I remember when I started back in 89, we didn't have laptops or iPads to do our homework, we didn't even have DVD players to watch movies yet. Also we had to.. oh wait, who am I kidding, as much as it pains me to say this, I started high school in 1979, oh mother of pearl, how did this happen. Computers.. heck we didn't even have VCRs or walkmans yet! Elton John was straight, Madonna was still a virgin and Michael Jackson was still black! We didn't have junior high so grade seven was high school for me.
I don't remember much about that first day, I know we were afraid of the older kids. There was a hazing ritual for new students. It certainly was a change from before, with our elementary teachers planning every step we had to make. I remember liking boys but I wasn't gay in my eyes. It's just that my man feelings hadn't kicked in yet, I had let myself think about being with my friends and must have gotten addicted to the day dreams, (gay dreams). I just needed to get them (my attractions) under control and I would be alright in a few months, even find a girlfriend maybe to hang out with at dances.
That first day must have been alright because I have no memory of it. I was probably already doing homework, getting myself ready for the following day at this time (7:15 p.m.) I wasn't happy about entering high school though, I always knew getting older sucked. I was the opposite of all my friends, I wanted to be a kid forever, I never wanted to grow up. It's funny to think about all those years ago, starting on my first steps towards being an adult. High school seemed like an eternity and yet now all these years later, we can see it was just a blip in time. I certainly never thought I would be back home, alone writing about it forty years later.
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11 comments:
Steven, baby.
We are gay men. The Peter Pan syndrome is strong with us. I liked grammar school. I was brainy and had excellent grades. I was also very gay and I knew it. Bigger boys tended to feel protective around me and I liked and used that to my advantage. It kept the bullies away.
High school is a blur. I was living my gay life and I stopped caring about grades. Still managed to finish it.
I have no idea what the people I went to high school do nowadays. Do you think about that? I have not been to one high school reunion. Ever.
XoXo
Dear goddess,"awkward, extra small, red headed gay kid"
Did you also have the kick me sign on your back?
I was the awkward quiet gay kid, so I feel your pain ...though not about the red hair! =)
And I';m with Sixpence. I loved elementary school, and even middle, sort of, but I loathed high school and have not kept up with one person, or gone to a single reunion.
My lifelong friends came after high school and most are still here with me.
I started first grade in 1960, high school in 1968, college in 1972. I HATED EVERY FUCKING SCHOOL YEAR! I never fit in anywhere. I had parental units and teachers telling me I was stupid, slow, dumb, and would never amount to anything.
well well well, here I am in 2019 with a husband (27 years), a house (20 years), a good job (16 years). I have no relationship with the parental units, and most of the teachers are dead. bwhahahahahahaha! the best revenge is living well. and my IQ is 145. I must have done SOMETHING right!
and no, I have NEVER attended ANY class reunions and never will. FUCK THEM ALL!
Wow, Steven, you're now entering Cootville! I've past that and am now ensconced in Biddy City :) Funny, but our 45 HS reunion is coming up in October. We went to the 10th and then the 35th. People be old, tired and dreary. I don't want to go this time. I am, however, one of the few people out there who enjoyed school. I was skinny, shy, all eyes and feet, but no one ever tried bullying me more than once, and that was just one or two boys. I got along great with teachers. School was a happier place for me than home.
!979. I was four years married with a one and two year old. These kids are preparing for Cootville as I write this.
I bet you were a cute little guy!
I was more like Truman Capote in junior and high school. I only wanted to do one thing, music. So my grades in other courses were shit. I did graduate and did get a dinky scholarship to a dinky college for four years where (looking back) I was exploited for my talent musically and sexually. I was blowin' a lot of horns! I still play and listen to early music today.
My 52th high school reunion was this year. I don't even recognize a single name of those still among the living who will be attending (I'm sure some in wheelchairs and others pulling along oxygen tanks.).
Your attempts to fool us are doing no good. We all know you actually started high school in 1999.
I probably could not survive high school now, but I mostly appreciated it back then. I am sure that people made fun of me, but I was too oblivious to care.
I peaked in grade 10, and my life has gone downhill since. I have contacted a few of my high school peers from time to time. While they have struggles and life challenges, they are uniformly happier and more successful than I turned out. (The exception might be the one who died in a car accident 10 years ago, but even that is a toss-up.)
Blimey O'Reilly, Steven. This post made me shudder. I hated school with a vengeance.
I was the scruffy, poor kid. No one liked me much. As an only child with a sick mother and a dad with aspergers, I had a very insular life but in a lot of ways it's made me resilient. I'm happy in my own company. I was rubbish academically but I've done ok.
Life's so much more than grades at school.
I would NEVER go to a reunion. I'm with Anne Marie on that one.
Anne Marie, you're everything I want to be!
I'm off to France for a few weeks, this morning so if I don't comment its because I can't. We are going deeply rural, Loire.
I sure hope they don't brick up eurotunnel while we are away......
See you soon.
1979........ hmmm.....
I'm sure it began a Journey for you... that year.....
Your blog continues to speak to the heart of many matters....
Thanks for continuing to write.....
@christina - awwwwwww, thanks! (blushes) it was not a smooth road to get here, but I am glad I AM here.
I hated high school but excelled (National Honor Society) because I somehow realized an education was a path to better life and part of an exit strategy from my parents. I've never been in touch with anyone from my high school. I couldn't wait to grow up leave my miserable childhood and home life behind.
I'm pissed, Anne Marie's IQ is eight points higher than mine!
I started school when I was 5. I had Mrs. Warner, a white-haired woman who had no idea how to deal with a gifted child. Because I chattered, she made me put my head down on my desk where I promptly started making wind sounds. I sounded just like a tornado! Anyway, she moved me from my desk to the coat room... as if that was going to change anything.
I didn't mind school. My grades were average because most of the time I was bored. I didn't hate it... but boy was I bored.
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