I was reading about people's experiences with coming out and how much things have changed over the years. That of course depends on where you live, some places it's still dangerous to be LGBTQ but I mean western countries mostly.
The latest coming out story I know of personally happened to my friend's nephew. My friend started to realize that her nephew was probably gay. She was a little worried because his parents were her older sister and husband. They came from another country, another culture and religious background so she wasn't sure about a reaction. He and his older brother were really good kids and never gave their parents any trouble. When the younger boy turned fifteen, he started to cry one day and told his parents that he is gay. The parents told him to get out and never come back.... actually that would have made for a good movie but what actually happened was the parents told him to stop crying, that he was the best behaved son anyone could ask for, that they love him and will support him and not to worry. He was afraid to tell his older brother, he was very much a typical straight man, into sports, cars, sports, women, sports, university and sports at his university. Although he loved his little brother, he was sometimes stricter with him than the parents. The mother and father decided to tell the older son, when he found out, he pounded his first on the table and said "he's dead to me" ....... that also would look good as a movie scene but here is what really happened. The parents told the older brother, he started to cry and said if anyone touches his little brother he would break their..... well you get the idea, a straight young man's way of saying that he loves and supports his little brother. Later the younger boy wanted to get into designs, fashion etc and the parents gave him their full support.
There are happy endings now, it's important that we hear about them. It also shows how important it is that parents be supportive. He is now a vibrant young man in a relationship and exceeding in his career path. Everyone is excited when he is home to visit, he is allowed to be himself and that let his personality flourish. Compare that to what could have happened if they tried to change him, reject him and not support his dream, the results would have been pain, suffering and distance from each other.
This had me thinking about the first time I told someone that I'm gay. Not counting my first boyfriend, that doesn't count lol. There is an old post about it here somewhere. It was a straight male friend, I was getting to the point of being ready to tell someone. He asked me one day, I knew I could trust him, it was my moment so I closed my eyes for what seemed like an hour and said yes, yes I am. That was my first step out. I never thought the first person I was going to tell would be a straight guy. It was a really good experience, he was so good to me after. Some people I know, decided to come out to the friend with the least open mind, not sure why, I suspect deep down they wanted all the drama that followed. That certainly wasn't me, I wanted my coming out to go smoothly, I hate drama.
Who was the first person you ever told and what was the reaction like? First boyfriends or some guy you were having sex with from the sixth grade doesn't count. Maybe you never really came out, maybe you just started living a gay life and people just suddenly clued in, that is common as well.
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Mine is what you just said in the last paragraph. When I told friends I was gay, they just assumed I was the other normal. My family was like what took so long to tell us!!!!!! Even though they knew. I had also seen some of my mother's friends out in gay clubs. They were like your mother has lonnnnnnnng know...tell her.
1975. He was my best friend in high school. We were 24 years old. He was straight but I'd bet money his college roommate of four years was gay (I was hot for that one!) I told him I liked guys but was technically bisexual. When I saw he was squirming, I assured him I was not coming on to him. He was very understanding, we joked about it. No angst or tears or big relief. A couple weeks later I told him I was gay, not bisexual. I never told my parents, my four sisters figured it out in their own. I never hid my sexuality or my 'roommate' from employers, always listed Bob as next of kin, even danced with him at office Christmas parties, etc. I lost at least one promotion because of it -- my boss told me she nixed my promotion by telling her bosses I shouldn't get the job because of my sexuality. She recommended I go to library school 'because a lot of your kind are librarians.'
Officially my best friend nu
Was the first...and she was cool.....my best male friend ( who was straight) was second.
He just drank his drink in the pub and said " does that mean I have to go to gay pubs occassionally?"
I never had a bad reaction
I honestly don't remember. The first person that figured it out was my sister-in-law - the one who took me to the ballet and gave me Milton Cross's Stories of the Great Operas when I was seven years old. She is also the one who quite the Anglican church in her small island community on Grand Mannan where she had been organist for 20 years because the new rector preached against same-sex marriage. Played for the United Church for the next six years before she left the Island and moved back to Ontario. A very cool lady.
This is another one of those "mandatory participation" posts, isn't it?
Other than my one intimate partner, I have gone out of my way to tell nobody (not that it helps, given that I don't "pass"). Mr. S reached obvious conclusions, and he did not take it well. Ms. R probably knew from the beginning, but said nothing. I think I told one sibling (who is gay) and he was surprised. That's it. You aren't getting anything else out of me, copper.
The first person I told was my best friend from high school. He was home on leave from the Marines. It came as no surprise because we started fooling around in 6th grade and continued to do so until he enlisted. Oddly, neither of us identified as gay. He later married and had kids.
Maddie, "the other normal" I totally love that! I remember when young, I was afraid to tell people but I felt being gay was "my normal" it was after hearing that being gay was bad for years that I started to think otherwise. Some people just can't hide being gay, it sounds like you mostly had good experiences, I'm happy for you.
Mike, sooner or later we all have to work for an idiot, it's part of life. A lot of gay men say they are bisexual first to test the waters or sometimes still unsure about their sexuality, it's common.
John, I love that story, makes me smile!
Will, yes a very cool lady indeed! Sometimes it is amazing how straight people will step up for us, makes a gay person feel less alone.
Mr Lurker, yes mandatory especially for smarty pants you!!! Again, that didn't hurt now did it? I release you from "having" to participate in any further questions since it seems to make you so uncomfortable.... big baby... XD hahaha!
RJ, surprisingly this is a very common story. Although I don't think it counts because he couldn't really have a bad reaction, you would have been able to call him out. I had a similar friend who started a sexual relationship with another guy from sixth grade. He said they tried everything and the other guy often initiated sex. When the other guy reached seventeen he started dating girls and that ended the fwb. Today they are still friends, the other guy is married with children but they have never spoken about what happened when they were young.
My mother Cruella. Her reply? “And?”
JP
JP, I have had that same answer from people. I never told my parents. Looking back I think I could have told them in their fifties and it would have been ok but I wasn't ok with it myself at that time.
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