Tuesday, June 30, 2020
Year Eleven.
Today it seems unbelievable to me but my Dad died eleven years ago. My life really changed after that, some positive things but mostly negative things. It's about those life choices, they seemed to make sense at the time but now looking back, I made a lot of mistakes.
Sometimes it feels like he was just here, like I had just spoken to him last week... and other times it does feel like eleven years ago. I don't feel sad about it now, that was something I had to let go of, I do still miss him. The reality is that he would be 84, soon going on 85, so if he was still alive, he would be a different version of "Dad".
I remember a week after he died thinking it was one week, then it will be one month, then one year, five years, ten years. Now it's past ten, life marches on. I'm not going to dwell on it, especially now seeing that I'm feeling better.
Everyone warned me about being back on fakebook, they said "try" not to get into it with people on line. Well... so I was reading that one in four homeless children is a member of the LGBTQ community. That made me sad, they were kicked out for being gay or bi or trans etc. Then some religious nut started making all these comments about LGBTQ children and adults... the usual nutty ignorant garbage with lots of bible quotes and writings of religious groups and finally I couldn't take it. Basically I pointed out why the bible was a bunch of made up stories and added in the text to prove it. I think their mind fried, they didn't know what to say except the usual goop. Sometimes "stupid" needs to be challenged.
Last day of Pride month, everyone eat some skittles!
Steven, I'm going to have to send Maddie to tie you up. No Fakebook for you! Bad Steven!
ReplyDeleteAnd time always flies. Really. Especially when they're not 'there' anymore.
XOXO
Sixpence, but but but they were being mean to little gay kids, so I pissed them off! Hahaha!
DeleteYes time flies. :(
Do I need to act out in a full on routine to get you to snap at of it!
ReplyDeleteStay off that damn thing cutie pie!!!! It will just bring you down again!!!! And no news either *grabs steven's hand, slaps it* Bad Steven! Bad Bad Steven!!! I think a nice nature walk is in order! Go see how many variety of flowers you can find and name all the wildlife you can see. And take another skinny dip while your out.
Maddie... What? You want to spank me?
DeleteMy afternoon was filled with adventure, crazy stupid adventure.
Hmm Maddie is getting a little kinky. Where is the Only Fans?
DeleteHuntleyBiGuy, I'm just starting to hear about this "only fans" so I'm not sure what that is.
DeleteAnd besides that, I have your Skittles coming!
ReplyDeleteMaddie, uh oh.. I think I heard something about that!
DeleteI have fun on FB. I only friend people I know in real world. But the groups are fun. I just joined Sub White Guys for Black Doms..Ooooooo
ReplyDeleteJimmy, I "heard" those are hot sites. ;)
DeleteFB is a damn cesspool. That's all there is to it. (And yes, I still go there. I wish I could resist the temptation).
ReplyDeleteIs it possible that the anniversary of your dad's passing is part of why you've been feeling so sad recently? I know other stuff happened too of course. I hope you continue to feel better and the rest of the summer is nicer for you.
And Skittles!!!!!! Yay!
Jennifer, no it's been eleven years. I'm used to him being gone, it doesn't bother me like that anymore. Mostly it was the lack of sleep that was running me down and made everything so much worse.
DeleteI don't regret giving up FB. It's a merciless company with no regard for its users and refused to be held accountable the hate it helps spread.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had a good relationship with my father like you had with yours. I find it hard to talk to my day three times a year. I haven't seen him since my mother's funeral and have no desire to see him.
Richard, I'm sad you didn't have a good relationship with your parents.
DeleteYes I agree on Facebook, I'm mostly on joke sites and still people want to rant about stuff.
I December it will be 15 years since my Dad died. Lung Cancer. I remember telling a woman I worked with that for a brief time afterwards everything shifts into this really strange version of reality. I told her it was a little like going into the Twilight Zone. She grew incensed! "it's not like the Twilight Zone." That woman was so wrong.
ReplyDeleteDave, it always bothered me when close friends never get to meet my parents.
DeleteI have a FB and a Insta, but use the Insta far more for my trainings. FB is getting very hateful and toxic. Saw your previous post...hang in there. Another piece of advice here is not only is sleep key to clearing the mind and recharging, but so is exercise. Maddie is right. Exercise is a excellent way to clear the mind, and give you a good tired, get blood flowing, not to mention, get you out of the house.
ReplyDeleteI guess we owe you a thank you for the skittles underwear post Maddie did? What's your secret?
Cali Boi, yes exercise is important and I'm trying to be more active. Yes I know you are on Facebook because I'm following you on there lol. You are a beautiful person inside and out.
DeleteI have to check out Maddie's blog after this.
I hate FB. Filled with toxic comments. My dad has been dead for almost 30 years, and sometimes it seems as if it was yesterday. I never got to see him grow old, but he died suddenly and didn't know what hit him. I don't know if that's a good way to go or not, but he never suffered, and somehow that brings me comfort.
ReplyDeleteMichael going suddenly is the way to go but it should be after eighty something something.
ReplyDeleteThe years just keep piling up. My dad passed away 21 years ago come September. He would have been 100 this year. My brothers and I got together for a Zoom cal to celebrate his birthday. There’s an emptiness when a loved one passes away. And the hole slowly heals but never goes completely away. I find myself thinking about my parents from time to time and still miss them.
ReplyDeleteHuntleyBiGuy, yes I completely get what you are saying. I remember my aunt who had been widowed, saying to my mother, "you never get over the loss, you only get used to it".
ReplyDelete