Monday, October 21, 2019
Don't tie me down!
I have come to the conclusion that I am no longer interested in a long term relationship. I find that I waste my time being loyal to an idea that just seems to tie me down without any benefits. Every time I meet someone and get to know them, it seems to end in hurt feelings, misunderstandings or confusion about the relationship. I also find that I explore getting to know the person instead of getting to know more about my community. Then when the relationship is over, I have nothing.
I'm going to explore my sexuality more and just generally... how to be a gay man. I feel a partner.. or trying to find a partner, would only be a block to that. I'm meeting people in the gay community, finally I have one foot in the door. I have been trying to figure out how to find my "people" and I think I have cracked the code. If during my social meetings, I happen to find someone that presses all the right buttons, then I am open to dating, it's just that now I'm no longer going to pursue it.
I was feeling a little bit, "late to the party" but I met older men in their sixties and some of them have only recently come out, married a husband and are leading their true lives. A little inspirational when you think about it.
As for my datesaster last week, I sent the man a nice message the following day. I think there is truly something wrong with him and there is no point being mean, I don't do mean. I said that I felt we have very different personalities, so going forward I was just going to thank him regarding joining me for dinner and I wished him good luck in finding someone. He sent a message back thanking me and we left it at that.
Here we go. Look who attended ONE nudist party and decided he is done looking for a relationship.
ReplyDeleteNobody says that if you are in a relationship you can't have a life outside that relationship -- even if that life involves nudist parties. This conceit that you need to find a "life partner" and that partner will satisfy all your needs is hogwash.
Have you ever read The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs? If not then it is worth checking out.
Lurker, I blogged about the party, there have been other things going on that I have not blogged about so I can understand your mistake to my conclusion. I will look for that book.
DeleteRelationships are not for everybody, not is marriage, same-sex or otherwise, yet we are bombarded from an early age on that it is the way to find true happiness. I'm calling bullshit. Here in PA the divorce rate is 65% - that speaks volumes. Most relationships find you, you don't find them.
ReplyDeleteDave, I feel that's true, you can't find a relationship and I also believe that sometimes sadly, for some people, relationships never find them.
DeleteI think you're taking the right approach. Focus on meeting people and enjoying your sexuality. If "Mr Right" is out there, hopefully you'll meet him but, if not, at least you'll be having a good life. Let Life Happen!
ReplyDeleteDebra, this was a great comment, plus I always believed in your advice that online is not the way to go... community is.
DeleteThat’s a wise decision. You do not HAVE to have a partner to be a ‘real’ gay man. Who says that?
ReplyDeleteI know tons of people who are not in relationships and are perfectly happy. Didn’t Diana say you can’t rupiah love? Just enjoy yourself and the new venues you’ve found. I think that’ll make you happy. And if a man you’re compatible with happens, then hey, icing on the cake.
XoXo
Sixpence, thank you for the support. Yes I don't need a partner to be gay.
DeleteI'm not settled down and I'm very happy with my life. I'm not sure, like sixpense, that I'm 100% relationship material. It's not for everyone. Not saying I dont love people though.
DeleteI like your strategy. If you find someone along the way all the better. You will probably meet some really nice guys. They may not be husband material but they may be good friends.
ReplyDeleteRichard, yes that's important to me, I would like friends especially. For instance when James didn't want to see me anymore, it would have been nice to have someone to talk about it with.
DeleteEveryone is different;everyone finds their own path.
ReplyDeleteJust look to be happy because that's all you ever need.
Bob, this is all your fault, you captured the last gay husband out there! I'm still open to a relationship but I'm done worrying about not having one.
ReplyDeleteGood for you.
ReplyDeleteKeep in my the vast majority (nearly all) of long term relationships started with people NOT LOOKING FOR ONE. They were doing their lives, having sex, not 'serious' and they invariably tumble onto one. It's when you stop looking you find one
Meanwhile it can be quite a lovely stroll about.
Spo, that is exactly how I ended up in my 12 year relationship.
DeleteDr Spo, I have heard the same thing, when you are not looking for a relationship, one comes along. I think also the problem is the men online are mostly awkward at relationships, that's why they are online.
ReplyDeleteWith that title, I thought we were going to get some juicy details on that nude party. Oh, well, back to my cave.
ReplyDeleteAwww no don't go back :(.. I have been missing you. I was thinking about you the other day because I was making a joke that the chemical smell off the creepy guy was probably formaldehyde from all the bodies he is keeping in his apartment. I was thinking that is such a "Deedles" joke! I was being a little bratty with this title as well.
DeleteWell, then maybe you should blog about those things so we have a more complete picture when we judge you.
ReplyDeleteI think you are taking the right approach. And when you stop looking, sometimes you find "the one."
ReplyDeleteMichael, maybe I don't want just one! ;) Lol!
DeleteLurker, some days I didn't have time and other days I didn't have internet but I can see how it looked like one party changed me. Like James for example, I did have some kind of loyalty towards him in my head, I'm not sure why. I did nothing for another year and a half because of that. I'm still open to a relationship, I'm just not going to be stressing over not having one.
ReplyDeleteI love it when you're bratty, Steve. I'm just disappearing for awhile because the blues that I'm experiencing right now are a little darker than usual. Don't know why, but it's exhausting. No worries, I will pull through. I always do :) Balder Half isn't a funky serial killer, so there's that.
ReplyDeleteDeedles, of course you must do what works for you. I will be right here waiting for you... and your smarty pants sense of humor ;) when you return.
ReplyDeleteBalder Half isn't a funky serial killer, yes there is that... awww there now see, you are finding the positive side already!
I love you, Steven :)
ReplyDelete:D
ReplyDeleteThat was a kind of you to send the guy a note.
ReplyDeleteJanF, thank you, I think he just has a negative personality and obviously he doesn't realize it. No point in me, being mean about not wanting to continue the friendship further.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be on a roll
ReplyDeleteJohn, down hill and into the river?
ReplyDelete: )