Dear Subconscious, I Hate You!

 Sometimes people talk about the subconscious part of our mind as if it were almost a different person from us. I feel that way most times, I am not familiar with any of the theories or workings regarding the subconscious mind but I often feel like there is another person inside working against me. Basically my subconscious mind is a prick! The little bastard usually likes to get me while sleeping.

 Over my entire life, I have almost never had an erotic dream. Yes I did have a lot of those "messy" dreams as a younger man (a lot) but in those dreams I was always alone doing what I did in real life when alone and feeling aroused. I never got to have the dreams I hear others talk about. Imagine my surprise to find myself dreaming last night that I was young again, early twenties. I was staying at a youth hostel (which never happened) and we were all sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags, again this never happened, this was my mind totally making something up. Most of the young people had either gone off on a morning hike or were eating breakfast.

 There was a young guy sleeping next to me, we had hit it off the night before. He was there with friends, they all seemed straight. He was a bit of a rogue and very good looking. He suddenly became playful and I sent him the right signals, he rolled over under my blankets, positioning himself gently on top of me and things got heavy. It was so real, his warm breath, his soft kiss, the erotic sent of his body, his strong embrace, oh wow.

 Unlike the usual torture my mind likes to play, I didn't wake up, nobody suddenly ran in to stop us, we were not attacked by aliens. Halfway through I went into the bathroom to get something and when I returned my lover was still there, lying nude across the blankets. However.... and I have no idea where the hhhh this came from, but he was doing something so disgusting that it made me start to gag, at first in the dream and then in real life. I woke up so ticked off. What the fluff was that about, am I supposed to learn something from this, couldn't I just for once have a really cool dream like other people. Life is bad enough at times and I certainly don't need myself to add to that. This is not new however, I have always hated my dreams, they have always been torturing, I guess that says something about me but I don't really know what. Way to go subconscious Steve, you jerk! Ruined another good dream.