Thursday, October 11, 2018
Losing the numbers game.
Lately the media keeps throwing out stats and the results from studying those numbers. The one constantly ringing in my ears is, "if you are, male, 45 or over, gay and single, then you will remain single until the end of your days". I feel an overwhelming sadness at the thoughts of going the rest of my life alone. Somehow I know this will come true, I have always known.
The heart wants what it wants, that keeps popping up in my head. I was emailing with another blogger the other day (a very handsome guy, hey my buddy "Mk" ) I was telling him about the two guys I have been in contact with the most. One is a little odd but a really nice guy, he is very loyal to friends, very family oriented, good financial head on his shoulders, trustworthy. He would make someone a great life partner, yet I have no attraction towards him. I have tried and tried to open myself up to the idea of dating him but it doesn't work that way, I feel nothing. In fact I think part of me it becoming annoyed with my practical side and is starting to dislike him in retaliation. Maybe punishment for trying to force the notion of being in an unwanted relationship.
Guy number two pushes all the right buttons, I find everything about him to be attractive. Speaking to him makes my knees feel weak, I wish he would just grab me and plant a romantic kiss on my lips. He is nice to me but unfortunately he doesn't seem to have any interest in me. If I ask him to meet me somewhere, he will say yes and we have a good time; however unless I contact him, I never hear from him. I don't get so much as an email or text from him asking how I'm doing. The truth is, it's not because he is a mean person, it's because when he is busy, I'm nowhere on his radar, he never thinks of me.
As a gay male the numbers seem to be stacked against me, even my "self" seems to be working against me, picking the wrong man to have a crush on. I guess if you are a male, are 44 years old and gay, then there is still hope for you but you better act fast.
pity you cannot combine both guys into your dream guy. but ya never know what's around the next bend...
ReplyDeleteOh, this happens. You sometimes have the super nice guy who brings you flowers and has a good job and really likes you but that leaves you wondering if you'd like something else from him and the other guy who makes your toes curl and gives you butterflies but that does not seem to want more or can't give you more than that. Been there. Done both.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough decision because the heart wants what the heart wants. And it doesn't have to do with age. It has to do with us. With what we really want. Or what we really need. You'll have to choose. And there no one can help but you...
xoxo
Who ever finds you will be a lucky person.
ReplyDeleteYou can't help who get a crush on. It just happens. I know it's discouraging but you have to keep looking. You never know who you'll meet.
ReplyDeleteAt least you didn't get the old "greater chance of being murdered by a serial killer" statistic they gave women a few years back. So there's that. Don't try to force it. In the immortal words of the Supremes, you can't hurry love, yada, yada.
ReplyDelete45, male, single, and hetero here, and I've sort of accepted the idea that I'm going to die alone. It's not really a priority at this point to change that. You don't seem to have completely given up.
ReplyDeleteI feel that's a crock of shit. I have three gay friends, all over 55, and met guys they are all still with, including one friend who was almost 60. A straight friend of mine was 72 when he finally met his wife. I disregard these things.
ReplyDeleteYep, it's a numbers game. You have made two whole guys and find yourself attracted to only 50% of them. Furthermore only 50% of them find themselves attracted to you. What terrible odds! Plus you work in a municipality that only has thousands of gay people in it, and live in a rural community which has dozens if not a hundred. Clearly it is time to throw in the towel and become a lonely old spinster, especially now that you are going to in-person meetups instead of hiding behind a screen. Maybe you can get some cats.
ReplyDelete"if you are, male, 45 or over, gay and single, then you will remain single until the end of your days" - this sounds as accurate as a chinese fortune cookie with take out.
ReplyDeleteWhat rubbish. Don't be fooled.
Hi Steven,
ReplyDeleteI hear what you are saying. I too fear of being alone the rest of my days. But I was in a toxic relationship where I wasn't alone, but in may ways I was more alone living with someone than I am now. You never know what is around the corner, and I also say, one is never too old to begin a new relationship. Keep on looking!