Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Complicated Undies Shopping.

Why has shopping for the simplest things become so complicated. Like when you go to the grocery store to get milk and you find yourself staring at a wall of milk choices. There is 1%, 2%, homo, (that sounds like something I should get), filtered milk, organic milk, lactose free milk, company brand A milk, company brand B milk and on and on. Then on towards the bread aisle and it is the same thing all over with the amount of choices, and yet they still manage not to have the one I want. ........................ This leads me to talk about my underwear. I know a lot of gay men obsess over what kind, not me, I am never going to have to model what I choose so I go for comfort. I take the diplomatic approach to the boxer or briefs debate and pick boxerbriefs. I was told that the front part of men's underwear is called the basket, I guess because it's supposed to gently support the eggs. After Christmas I found that my trusted egg baskets were wearing out, they started doing that thing where I pull them up and only the waist band makes it all the way to the top. Off to shop for underwear, when I get there, I am stunned, there are so many to choose from it's almost confusing. Finally I find a brand I like and the type I like but even they have different varieties. The only ones similar to the kind I usually get, come in the gaudiest colours and I ponder going to another store. Teal, purple and other colours that make me wonder who picked these out, little girls that just finished their colouring books? I figure might as well just go ahead and get them, seriously with my love life, it's not like anyone is going to see them. ............................................. My version of gay sexuality is the masculine side of men, I am attracted to and identify with the male side of humanity. Meaning I have no attraction to the androgynous side of homosexuality, I never want to wear anything feminine. So imagine my horror when I take my new purchases out of the package and they look more like a woman's girdle than men's briefs, or something a female dancer would wear. I have no choice, I bought twelve pairs and I can't return them. I figured might as well use them; however after a few days of wearing them (different pair each day, not one pair for a few days) I came to realize that these things are just completely made wrong. They are some kind of twisted testicle torture device and at the end of the day, I feel like I have been given a super wedgie! I can't wait to get them off in the evening and freeball it in my jogging pants. Even the material doesn't breathe, they are supposed to be cotton but I think the cotton plants were genetically modified with a polyester scrub brush. Back to the store I guess I will have to go and somewhere in that mountain of underwear there must be a comfy pair I can buy. Another thing that would make shopping for underwear more enjoyable is I wish the model on the package came with each pair I bought as well.

10 comments:

  1. What underwear to i deliberate over?

    Comfortable ones! Thats what

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    1. That's odd, I imagined you would have a collection of leopard print bikini underwear, no just kidding John!

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  2. You're the only person I know who can go straight from milk and bread to underwear! I count that as a good thing!
    JP

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    1. Well thanks JP, next week I will blog about buying fried chicken and socks! No not really but that would be a challenge to put them together lol.

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  3. Simon's trente et un ... just saying..... and I'd go with the 2% for milk that is....

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    1. Maybe I should stop going to Wal-Mart! It's the lactose milk for me, but usually the 2% so we are in sync Will.

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  4. What a fun and well-done post!
    Studies show 'too many choices' make people feel bad not more empowered.
    I am a boxer man.
    If you are looking for good sensible masculine underwear (and the hot models to match) try Mark Weldon or Me Undies.
    If you want to splurge, Ben Silver.

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    1. I may swing to boxers, now that the "boys" are getting older they get grumpy being restrained too much.

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  5. Now we just can't have any twisted testicle calamity. Take them dang things off and use them for dust rags...

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    1. I'm afraid they might scratch the furniture. Maybe I could use them as slingshots.

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